Dear Mom who is still carrying life inside, there is groundwork to be done in these 9 months; whilst your body, mind blowingly, and without you needing to do much, is creating a human inside, your mind may need more reassurance, more comfort, more effort, more time to let everything feel like it will be fine. Treasure this time of oneness and take care of your spirit and body like you have never done before. Babies feel a lot more than what we think, they feel calmness but also adrenaline, they feel if we are at peace but also if we are stressed. They are the only person who knows how your heartbeat sounds from inside. In moments of uncertainty, be okay with not knowing right now what all the pieces of the puzzle are and how they will lay down. Sometimes that is the hardest part. And you will look for reassurance in other people’s experience but know that becoming a mom is a very singular and unique path that manifests in each one’s life in many different ways. And you will understand the beauty of that too. Dear mom, find connection with your body through your intuition (and pregnancy yoga classes), speak to it and tell it how much you trust it, how much you believe in its capabilities and do the same with your partner. Speaking of which, let your partner have an active role as much as they are capable of. The milestone of sharing a birth with your partner is huge and being open about each other’s fears and concerns, wishes and hopes can only bring you closer, or at least closer to transparent communication, Tell them if you are worried there won’t be anymore time for the two of you, speak about your birth preferences, your priorities, be transparent and go through any scenario, leave no stone unturned. You might not have enough time or be in the mood to do all the talking after baby is born. Promise each other that despite the changes and difficulties you will work hard to stay on the same team. Dear mom, don’t be ashamed of not knowing, ask as many questions as you can. Nobody was taught how to prepare for birth or how to activate your pelvic floor. Know that giving birth is an inherent gift and ability of women and it should belong to you and nobody else.
Dear mom you are going to discover a new layer of physical and mental strength and know that whatever love you have experienced until now, it is just a glimmer of what you will feel tomorrow.
Dear Mom who stares at their child, whether they are months or years old, still thinking how on earth you created that human. Dear mom who stares at themselves in the mirror and resentfully thinks their body is different. Who decided that you should go back to your body before baby? Be in awe of what your body did and let it recover. If you were very fit and it matters to you to feel strong, you will with time get stronger but don’t wish for your old body back. Your body before didn’t know what carrying life meant. Your baby cares only about you as you are, so keep yourself happy, be mindful with your choices and remember that you are a lens through which your little ones see the world. Whether you are the “I read all the books” mom, the one who breastfed or formula-ed, the one who wakes up all the time when baby cries or the one who asks for help, the one who serves ready made meals or will just make fresh-organic meals. The one who does it all by herself or the one who has nanny, nan or a whole village to help. The one who can’t wait to go back to work, the one who works but wishes she didn’t, the one who changed jobs to be more with baby, the one whose job is to be a mom (not “I’m just a mom!”). What others do doesn’t matter, you build and work out your life with what you are given. Devote your energy and thoughts towards being a good human for your little human.
Dear mom who wonders where your self-confidence went and if it’s gone together with your pre-baby body and a lot of your friends; you will start gaining that back through life experiences as a woman who is now also a mother, and those two combined I hope will rustle up one hell of a savvy, caring, strong woman with unshakable confidence. And maybe different friends.
Dear mom who doesn’t see a woman in the mirror anymore, but just a mom. Change mirror and maybe speak to your partner. Just like you did when you were still pregnant. Voice your concerns, what are you missing. Do you need more time for yourself, a night out with friends, a night out the two of you. Reconnect with your body, with your femininity and don’t feel guilty for wanting that, it’s part of the recipe for loving; love yourself so you can care and love others from a place of selfless giving.
Dear mom who feels lost because you have never done this before. Nobody has! There is no school for becoming parents. There is (unfortunately) what other people, or our parents, or books say to do, but ultimately you are raising you littles ones to be a good human so do what your heart tells you is best. Teach them what resonates with you and your partner, start from a white canvas, you will have to erase things that you tried and don’t work but at least you tried them out of your own accord and not because someone else told you to do so.
Dear mom who has intrusive thoughts and feels like they are not doing a good enough job, to the mom who misses her young and careless years or the one for whom life has a new meaning and priorities are very different, who replaced old friends with mom friends, to the mom who doesn’t define herself motherly or whose world revolves around their children – there are no perfect moms but there are enough ways to be a good one.